Hidden Emotions

'My eyes hurt so much, I feel as if I'm going to cry, but I know I'm not because it will show weakness that I try to hide. I'm sure my eyes are red and puffy even though no tear has made it past my eyelids. See, I can hide emotions better than most people think. I sometimes wonder why I am still here, my purpose has been served and the war is over. As far as I can see, my life means nothing to anyone anymore, not even to me.'

Duo Maxwell, ex-gundam pilot of Deathscythe, ((or Deathscythe Hell as it was then called after it had been repaired.)) watched his friends from where he stood on the second floor, leaning over the railing. His bangs were tousled from his fingers gunning through them so often and his beautiful violet eyes were red and slightly swollen from weariness. He watched as Trowa dragged Quatre into apart of the room where the other pilots could not bother them as they shared a gentle kiss.

Heero was seated at a table, looking at his blank laptop screen as if he were waiting for some new mission to pop up. A small, faint smile spread on his lips as he realizes that there will be no more missions and he can finally live a normal life, and not as a gundam pilot, with no feelings towards anyone, but his friends.

Duo's eyes wonder back to where Quatre and Trowa are, who are now laughing, and smiling, full of true happiness to finally find one another. It's easy to tell they were made for each other; they have that look about them.

'They laugh, they smile and they are full of joy that I do not have, that I have not had for a very long time. I wish that I could feel that once more, to feel happiness, to fell a real smile spread on my lips and to feel real joy!

I will never know happiness, I am not allowed as I see it. Every time I try to get close to someone, they leave me, die on me, leaving me to live in this world alone. That's the life I will always live. right?'

Duo's eyes wonder over to Wufei, who is seated alone on the sofa, reading a book in a quiet, blissful state, not caring about a thing around him. Not even the hungry, lungful, lustful looks he got from the other boy, standing on the second floor, watching him.

Duo mildly noticed that Heero had gone, leaving his laptop alone and blank on the table he was seated at only moments before. Quatre and Trowa are pulling on their coats and slipping on their shoes to only walk out the door seconds later. They must be heading to one of Quatre's many homes on earth, for some quiet time to themselves, though, they probably not planning on being quiet.

'Every one around me is happy; they have something or someone to keep them from feeling completely alone as I feel right now. I have nothing to keep my mind of the cold I feel around me, that I feel inside of me, and I have no one to help me break loose of those cold and lonely place I am deemed to spend forever alone in. I have no one, nothing, I am me, I am alone!'

Duo watched Wufei for a bit longer before he stood up strait and went straight to his own room to collapse on his bed to let the sorrow engulf him. He still did not let the tears fall, it would be to weak of him, Wufei would chide him about it if he saw, he would tell Duo that only a weak person would show any type of emotion to anyone.

Duo clenched his eyes shut as he heard Wufei's voice yelling at him. He didn't want to hear his sweet, beautiful voice. No one knew what it did to him. The yelling stopped, but Duo could swear he felt the bed dip as someone got on with him, he could feel light fingers brush across his cheek and a soft, warm breath caress his ear as that voice he longed to hear call his name whisper; "Duo, Open your eyes for me. I want to see your beautiful eyes as I make you mine."

Duo couldn't help but gasp at the words as they went straight between his legs, arousing him even more. "I-if I open m-my eyes. You'll be-be gone." Duo stuttered trying to get his breathing to calm down.

He felt a hand wonder down his chest and past his stomach to right where he wanted to feel Wufei's Hands for who knows how long. Duo had almost screamed out at the light touch, but managed to hold his tongue. Once more Wufei whispered into Duo's ear with his seductive voice. "I wont leave you. I never will. I'll always be here for you Duo."

Duo whimpered as the hand was lifted and the bed rose. "D-don't go.. P- please!" Opening his eyes Duo realized it was just his imagination just playing tricks on him again. With a sigh Duo closed hi eyes once more and let his thought leave his head.

'I am forever to spend my life alone.the one and only person I love does not even register that I live! To him I am just a teammate, a former Gundam Pilot like himself, nothing more. I am to be alone, no one can love me, and I can let anyone know.

I know Wufei would shun me, and tell me how weak I am. he would probably tell me I also have no honor and that it is not right for two men to want to be together. Just realizing this makes my stomach churn. I want him so much but I know there is nothing I can do. I don't want anything to happen to him, and I don't think I would be able to handle rejection!'

Duo clutched his stomach as he turned to his side. he wished all this sorrow and misery would just end so he could finally rest. He wished that he didn't have the feelings he did for Wufei, the boy he respected, the boy who showed him that he could stand up to anything! Duo had not heard the light tap at the door, or the drag of the door as it opened and someone walk in he was to far lost in his emotional problems, to far wishing he could be that happy little boy he had been before his Solo died, before Father Maxwell and Sister Helen left him.

'My eyes hurt so much, I can feel the stinging of tears wanting to come out. I fight! I am not weak and I will not let these tears fall. I am Duo Maxwell, Shiginami. the God of Death! I feel as if the tears are going to win, my eyelashes are sticking to my cheeks and I feel moister slide down my cheek. I have lost to the pain I tried so hard to fight away.

I can never feel Happiness, I can never feel a real smile cross my lips and I can never feel the love that I miss so much. I can not let anyone get close to me, or they, like everyone else, will leave me, die on me.'

~&~&~

"Maxwell? What are you doing in here a." Wufei stopped by Duo's bed and watched as a tear slid down that soft cheek. Duo must not have heard him walk in, because not once had Wufei or the others seen Duo in such a state. They never expected the happy, loveable boy they had all grown used to show any emotions such as he was now.

Wufei's heart skipped a beat as he watched as Duo's chest raised shakily then lower in the same fashion. What could be so wrong that would make Duo cry, to stop laughing and smiling? Attentively Wufei reached down and brushed the tear away from Duo's face, loving the feel of Duo's soft skin under his fingertips. He then wondered what that soft skin would taste like.

'No! He is my friend, I cannot let such things get into my way, and he wouldn't like it if I took advantage of him. I wouldn't like it; it would be weak of me.

How long have I wanted to be with him? How long have I had such feelings for him, being another Gundam Pilot, strong and caring, worrying about others before himself. How long have I wanted to be with him, inside of him..'

"M." Wufei stopped himself thought for a moment before he decided to start talking again. "Duo. Duo, Please look at me. tell me what's wrong."

~&~&~

Duo gasped when he heard Wufei's voice. "Not again. p-please. I can't t- take it anymore. onegai."

'No more can I handle this. He's here again to taunt me, to make me feel his touch when I know it really isn't his. To make me hard, wanting him to do to me what I always wanted him to do. To fill me; to complete me.

No! I cannot let anyone get close! I am forever to be alone; I am not going to let anyone in my heart knowing that if I love someone, they might get killed, no they will.'

Soft fingers brushed his cheek and he leaned into the touch with out realizing it. His breath calmed and his heart beet grew faster.

"Open your eyes, tell me what's wrong. Duo?" Wufei's voice was soft. it couldn't be the real Wufei. Why did his mind like playing such tricks on him? What had he done to be treated such a way?

"Iie." Duo whispered, clenching his eyes shut and covering them with his hands. "Iie."

Strong yet gentle hands pulled his hands away from his face and Duo gasped. That was the first time Wufei had done that. It was the first time Wufei didn't just whisper at him to open his eyes. Reluctantly Duo opened his eyes and saw Wufei looking over his with concern in his onyx eyes.

"Wu-man??" Duo whispered not believing on what he was seeing. This could not be true. It had to be a dream. Wufei never called him by his first name.

~&~&~

Wufei looked into Duo's swollen eyes. What could be making Duo act the way he is. "Duo. are you ok?"

Duo continued to look at him, not saying anything, not doing anything.

There was something wrong, there had to be, why else would Duo be acting the way he is. "Duo. please talk to me, say something. anything."

"W-why are you here?" Duo finally whispered.

Wufei blushed a little "I was wondering if you were ok. I hadn't seen you at all today." He said sheepishly.

Duo looked at him for a moment before finally sitting up and looking at Wufei. "I didn't h-hear you."

Wufei didn't respond, he didn't knock all that loud incase Duo might be sleeping. in fact he was actually hoping that he was!

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Duo shook his head and stood up. "It's nothing, I'm fine." He started to walk past Wufei when he felt grab his arm.

"There's something wrong. please tell me. maybe I can help you." Wufei whispered to him.

Duo looked at Wufei, not believing on what he was hearing. This couldn't be his 'Fei. He never acted like this. He would always say showing emotions is weak. With out thinking Duo turned completely around and stood in front of Wufei, placed his hand behind Wufei's head and pulled him close, touching their lips together.

Wufei gasped, shock running through him at what Duo was doing. His heart fluttered at the feeling before he closed his own eyes and kissed back. He wanted this so bad, and from the looks of things, so did Duo. Wufei wound his arms around Duo's waist and pulled him closer, leaving no gab between them.

Wufei almost gasped in shock again when he felt Duo's hard arousal press into his thigh but the shock left him quickly as Duo deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue into Wufei's mouth.

Duo's free hand started to wonder down Wufei's back, and over his behind, pulling him closer if it were even possible. His hand that rested of Wufei's neck tangled into his small black ponytail, meshing their lips together.

Wufei groaned out at the feel of Duo's hand on his rear, getting bolder he started to fight Duo for dominance, trying to plunge his own tongue into Duo's mouth so he could taste him, like Duo was to him. He needed more; he had to have more!

This time it was Duo's turn to moan into Wufei's mouth. Breaking the kiss for air Duo gasped, trying to get his breath back, only to moan out once more as Wufei's lips attacked his exposed neck. "Gods. 'Fei. I've wanted this. I've wanted you for so long!"

'Is this really happening? Is Duo really here, moaning with me licking, sucking, kissing his neck? It feels so real; he looks so real. I've always loved the way he came up with little nicknames for me, always calling me by them instead of by my full name. I've always wanted to taste him. He tastes so sweet, I don't think I'll ever get enough of him now.'

Curious fingers start working at Wufei's shirt, pushing back the white material and pulling up his blue tank top, forcing him to stop his ministrations on Duo's neck, only to go right back at it once the shirt was gone.

~&~&~

'This is real. I know it is. He can't be fake; I'm feeling things I've never felt for so long. I feel loved! I want to feel complete now.'

A growl can be heard as Wufei runs out of skin to taste. He lifts his arms from around Duo's waist and starts to pull at Duo's shirt, not caring if some buttons pop off from his aggressiveness.

A small laugh escapes Duo's lips, as he helps Wufei with his shirt. To see Wufei frustrated is something that Duo found amusing.

Once the shirt falls to the ground Wufei attacks Duo's skin once more, making the braided boy cry out. Slowly, Wufei walked towards Duo's bed, placing the smaller boy on top while he crawled over him. "How long?" Wufei asked breathlessly.

"Since. since the beginning." Duo managed to breath out, reaching up to Wufei's neck and taking out the ponytail his hair is always in so he could watch the black strands fall around the Chinese boy's shoulders.

Wufei leaned over to his breath was brushing over Duo's cheek and making the boy shiver under him. "How far do you want this to go?" he purred, letting his tongue brush against Duo's ear.

~&~&~

Duo moaned out once more arching his back at the sensations it caused him. "A-a-all the.way."

'I'm alive, Wufei is here, he is mine. I am his.How I have wanted this. How I have wanted to feel him touch me, taste me. Fill me.'

Duo didn't notice when Wufei had undone his hair, running his fingers through the soft brown locks. He then continued his ministrations, kissing, licking, biting down Duo's chest and smiling as Duo arched into him. Capturing a pink nub between his lips Wufei brushed his tongue across his and sucking on it lightly, while his other and twisted it's twin in his thumb and forefinger.

Duo moaned out clutching to Wufei's shoulders, and breathing hard. ".'Fei." He let the name slide from his lips as Wufei continued to move down his stomach, his hand moving down to the rim oh Duo's black slacks that he always wore. With a wicked smirk Wufei pulled down both pants and boxers and watched as Duo's member came free from its confines. "You are beautiful." He said to duo as he took the full site of him in, letting the garments of close drop to the ground.

"O-onegai. onegai Wufei.." Duo panted out. His eyes were open but dilated as they looked down at him. He was already covered in sweat from Wufei's teasing, and his breathing was coming in harshly.

Wufei smiled down at his new lover before bending down and taking Duo's hard member into his mouth, starting with just the head and letting his tongue brush over it.

Duo let out a pitched scream at the sensation. He was now glad that everyone had decided to go out. He didn't think he would be able to keep very quiet with Wufei teasing him the way he was.

~&~&~

'He's like an angel fallen from Heaven waiting here for me.an angel I will never let go.'

Wufei took more of Duo's member into his mouth, by passing his gag reflexes. This action only caused duo to writhe even more under Wufei's touch. Only then did he decide to hold Duo's hips down before starting his ministrations.

"My 'Fei." Duo managed to whisper out. "Don't. don't leave me. oneg-" The rest of his words were cut off as he let out a scream of pleasure as Wufei pumped his head back and forth.

Wufei felt Duo's fingers twine into his hair once more and helped him reach the tempo that Duo would need to reach his release.

"'Fei. I'm. I, ahh." Duo arched his back when a rush of sensations rushed through him. "I'm gunna. come!!!"

Wufei Lifted his head and smiled wickedly down at duo. "No your not! Not until I'm inside you koi."

Duo blushed but nodded his head. He untangled his fingers from Wufei's hair and watched as he rose to his feet and left the room for a moment calling out behind him. "I'll be right back. I just need to get something."

Duo nodded his head once more, even though he knew Wufei couldn't see him.

Wufei came back as quick as he could, holding a small tube in hand. He quickly shed what clothes he had left on, off and climbed into bed next to Duo.

Duo was only able to gasp when he felt Wufei's skin against his own and his hard on push into Duo's outer thigh. "'Fei, now please. I can't wait any longer."

Wufei pressed a light kiss to Duo's lips before he opened up the tube in his hand and pored some jelly like substance on his fingers. He quickly rubbed the lube onto his three fingers than placed his index finger at his opening.

Duo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, readying himself once Wufei entered him. This was his first time with anyone, and he was glad it could be with Wufei. the one he had feelings for since the beginning.

Slowly Wufei pushed his finger in and watched Duo's reaction for pain, or discomfort. He saw a little pain flash onto Duo's face but it went away just as quickly as it showed. "Are you ok?" Wufei gritted out between clenched teeth. He had to keep himself calm so he wouldn't hurt his Duo.

Duo's eyes opened and Wufei could only see the pleasure he was giving the boy in his eyes. "More. onegai. I want to be completely yours."

Wufei smiled and entered a second finger and placing a kiss on Duo's lips once more, only a bit longer this time.

Duo gasped and retched his lips from Wufei's when the third finger entered him with the other two and started to move in and out of him, brushing something deep inside him. "God. 'Fei its." Duo trailed at a loss for words.

Wufei smiled and continued to brush against Duo's prostate.

"'Fei. please. I need you in me." Duo whimpered, squirming under Wufei's touch.

With out saying a thing, Wufei extracted his fingers and picked up the lube and placed some on his hand once more, this time to cover his own throbbing member. Wufei bit his lip, trying to keep from moaning as he covered himself completely. "You ready Duo?" He asked, looking down at his Violet eyed lover.

Duo was laid out underneath Wufei, gasping for breath as he squirmed about, His long brown hair was billowed out around him and his eyes were full of lust and love. "Just do it."

With a nod, Wufei positioned himself at Duo's entrance and pushed in with a grunt of effort. "Che. You're so. tight" Wufei huffed, pushing himself an inch further.

Duo's head flew back and he arched off the bead screaming Wufei's name. This felt so incredible, Wufei and him were finally one, and he no longer had to worry about being alone, about losing the people he loved.

With out warning Wufei jerked his hips, impaling himself the rest of the way inside of Duo. He himself let out a yell of ecstasy as the feel of Duo surrounding him so tightly. He could tell they were meant for each other.

"Kami-sama. You feel so... gods... Wufei, please move! I want to feel you!" Duo breathed before capturing Wufei's lips in a searing kiss!

Wufei did as he was told and started to thrust into his lover, slowly at first. He hoped this would never end, it felt so wonderful, and he felt like he had found what he was looking for. One of his hands slipped between them to take Duo's still very hard member in his hand and started to pump it in time with each thrust.

Duo ripped his lips away from Wufei's lips and cried out in pure pleasure. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer of Wufei continued down this path. His hands then snaked down to cup Wufei's ass in his hands and started to help him thrust even deeper into him, making the Chinese man cry out as well.

"Duo!" He screamed before biting onto Duo's collarbone, as their pleasure filled high went even higher, bringing them close to their release.

"'Fei, Wu-man, Wu-bear. Kami-sama. don't stop! ONEGAI!" Duo called out, naming most of the nicknames he had given his lover.

"I. I don't plan to. Koi." Wufei panted licking the light wound he had placed on Duo's perfect skin.

"WUFEI!!!!" Duo screamed out one last time, feeling his seed shoot out and cover both his and Wufei's chest in white semen.

The moment Duo released He clenched around Wufei, casing the Chinese boy to moan in pleaser before shooting his own seed deep into Duo who was now panting under him.

~&~&~

"God. That was.. Damn." Duo said as Wufei pulled out of Duo and landing beside his lover. "Do. do you think we can do that again?" he asked attentively.

Wufei laughed and hugged Duo close to him. "We can do it when ever you want. for now though, lets just get some rest. Sound fair?"

Duo nodded and snuggled close to his 'Fei. Resting his head on Wufei's chest and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Wufei smiled before pressing a light kiss to Duo's head and wrapping his arms around Duo's shoulders. "Ai shiteru Duo." He said not sure if the braided boy was away or asleep yet.

Duo smiled and hugged himself closer to Wufei. "Ai shiteru 'Fei, I always have.."

~*~*~End~*~*~